The Feline Territory

The OIC wants a permanent seat in the UN Security Council. Although many refuse to salute such move or opinion, i for one believe that such a notion is not such a bad thing after all.

Under the banner of patriotism towards the organisation that had long financially supported my tertiary education and the establishment of the uni i graduated from, i hereby declare that even if some might say that the OIC is crap, that it is redundant, that it is doing nothing to ease the war of the Israelis and the Palestinians, that it did almost nothing to help the tsunami victims of another Muslim country, i, being me, the stubborn, hard-headed Parvin Hariah Natchiar, believes that the OIC should be given a permanent seat in the UN.

UN, who did not cry out so loud when the US bombed Afghanistan or Iraq, showed a little soft side towards people of the left wing. Well, at people who i consider being in the left wing. So, why cry so loud when the representatives of the Muslim nations wants a permanent seat. C’mon, all those talk about democracy finally crawling its way out to find all reasons to not implement it? Why now when the Muslim community ask for a favor and a little cry for "please listen to our opinion" session?

When the Shariah is implemented in Saudi, everybody yells- thats contradicting the human rights of the people of the world. Those people are barbaric.

But when Iraqis are being harmed to the lowest level of humanity by US soldiers, the most they can do about it is paste photos in newspapers, try to bring it to court yada yada yada. Not enough. Not enough at all.

Give us a seat. We represent one fifth of the total mankind. We deserve a voice. A veto power.

Give us this chance and we will create a renaissance.

Probably what OIC has done so far has not yet been stamped on the map of the world. But it has done something for small human beings like me.

Good education. Good education. Thats what it has given me. Given to Malaysia and given to Pakistan too. Given us a chance to build a good life. A comfortable future.

And thats more than enough reason for me to write what i had written this time.

I’m ’supposed-ly’ back in the dating game again and my so-called greatest fear right now, or, shall i say, greatest fear of all time is ‘flirting’.

I don’t know how to flirt.

Yup, i can talk- sense and crap. I can dress- up or down. I can laugh- giggle or the Julia Roberts way of laughing loudly.

I can create conversations- about politics, or relationships, or about books, or history, or about life, or something like it.

But i don’t really know how to package this in a flirtatious manner.

At the end of the day, i guess its not really worth trying if you really don’t know how to do it. Some girls can flirt without even trying. I wish i had that in me.

Because i have always regarded flirting as a negative connotation, i find it even more evil than killing little ants on the sidewalk. However, now that i am boyfriend-less and free to roam, perhaps i should begin to regard flirting as a necessary tool for my endeavour.

Nah, perhaps not. Because then, i would be changing my personality. And i can never do that. Maybe what i need is a dude who doesn’t bow down to flirting. But then again, what do men bow down to? What is it that i have to offer? I don’t do nightclubs. I don’t do movies very often. I don’t think i’m physically attractive. I’m short. I like wearing scarves that are sometimes too loud-coloured that the public finds it offensive.

I hate romance novels because they’re cheesy. I hate anything that degrades the anatomy of the woman’s body. I hate 50 cents and P. Diddy because most of their videoclips portray that. And i hate the women in the videos with their enlarged boobies because i think they are dumblondes who are doing nothing to help us girls dignify ourselves in this already partriarchal society where men always say- "its a man’s world."

I like reading. And writing. And blogging. And having conversations. And smokey eyeshadow. And fighting for animal rights. I get stimulated when i walk into a library or a bookstore. Oh ya, and a store full of beautiful shoes. God, am i not the most boring human being you have ever come across?

I should turn to flirting then, right? Nah…….

I went bookshopping with a friend last night to my favourite bookstore- Kinokuniya in KLCC.

Books are valued as diamonds for me. Asian Literature is my favourite category, and my favourite favourite favourite author is Jhumpa Lahiri. Probably because she expresses her confusion about her ethnic identity in the most wonderfully written way. Probably because i also have my own confusion about my ethnic background- being totally totally mixed, but in the essence of it, its a beautiful thing to be all mixed up but understanding what you are made of and appreciating every bit of you………. because you cannot lie about what your origins are, can you? The book- "The Human Stain" by Philip Roth taught me that principle. Go read it, its worth the 200 pages.

When i’m in a bookstore, i would be lost in the written words and the lives lived by others far and away. Thats the best thing about being an avid reader. Its like doing daydreaming with substance. Yeah!

I am a person who is made of a single passion- a passion for the written word. Poems. Poetry. Quotations. Short stories. Novels. Articles. Fiction. Non fiction. Love letters. Signboards. You name it.

Some find me among the world’s most boring species because of this. Some find me the most attractive of all human beings because of this.

I find myself to be a nerd who has a life. tsk! tsk!

I’m living the walk down memory lane. I’m living the life that i used to live. i’m a warrior for doing so because life was tough then, but i’m going back to it because its the toughest lessons in life that teaches you the best lessons of all. And i’m also a coward for doing so, because i am not able to let go of my past, something so dear to me, so hard to let go.

Basically, i’m happy to announce: i’m back in UIA, as a postgraduate student!

Yup, back to the cocoon that i used to hate, complain and rebel in. All the rules and the vow we were forced to obey. All the extremism and the protectionism. All the bull and all the shit. But i’m going back to it. Because it was the phase in life where i was most happy. It was torture, it was hell, but it was worth it. It was happiness, it was heaven, and i want to feel it again.

I just needed another degree to make myself feel satisfied and happy. Masters. Something that i just had to do. Enough said. If i dont do it now, i will hit my 30’s and regret it.

And i just need to deviate myself from my office hub where intellectual discussion is *nil in my office.

And i want another Degree so that i can make more money. ;0

Perhaps another Degree for a strategic career shift in a few years time.

Another Degree. A better future. A fulfilling dream. A better happy ending.

My Amazing Category of close friends- these are the people who i met in iiu, the ones i have learned to live with, learned to love, and will never stop loving…

Raihan: My ex-debate teammate- The Political Science graduate now proceeding with her masters. My political advisor and confidant-  my middle eastern ally, my partner in makeup endeavour and late night talks on issues such as the israeli-palestinian conflict or the malay dilemma. My very loyal gossip columnist on the article titled: Why malay men behave the way they behave and why we will never agree with their behaviour.

Zila: The English Lit graduate now about to continue with masters in Australia next month. My kinky lingerie enthusiast and the president of the loyal girlfriends’ club.

Lily: My sweetest sweet pea, the mother of us alll, the responsible one and the one who you know will take good care of you when you are ill. The one who will never leave you behind or make you cry. The one who you want to live with forever and ever.

Radin: My tongue-slashing partner, the one who i have every argument with about just anything……. the controlled freaks we both are. The one who’s panic problem drives me up the wall, but still, the one who i miss the most all the time.

Nawar: My whiny indian girl who has a taste for bright keling colors that i am also being influenced at the moment. The one who is always composed and well mannered among all of us hooligans. The home girl and the one who i really count on when it comes to wedding preparations. Also the one which i have the most fun with- bumping into many stupid obstacles everytime!

Jedi: My ever so well behaved roomie!! My ex-roomate for 4 years who never said that i was the roomate from hell although i actually were one! She kept her room tidy but mine always looked like as if it has been hit by a twister! Jedi’s my bestest one when it comes to fulfilling our dreams and wanting to always have the first world mentality force!

Era: My coffeemate for life. The one who gives the best advise when it comes to which color do you use to highlight your eyes with which dress. Perhaps the one i can rely on when it comes to being punctual and keeping promises. Always the amanah one and also, the studyholic.

Yommie: The auditor who does not have a life, but always always have an ear to listen to my every whine. The one who i have to make an appoinment a week in advance just to meet up for coffee, but also the one who i always look forward to meet every time!

Attas: The Yemeni who lives far away for the moment, hopefully, only for the moment. The terrorist lookalike who takes care of me, the one who i also take care of like a mutual memorandum of understanding. The one when he is around, life is a lot more beautiful than it already is. The one who is extraordinary, just because to him, i am extraordinary. The one when he is around, life itself becomes extraordinarily amazing.

Shariq: The Indian gangsta who legalizes everything- especially car racing on the highway. The one who is not afraid of anything, whose force becomes a dear inspiration for me, a clear motivation to hang on and do what i do best. He makes everything feasible and unimpossible, sometimes i feel like he is truly playing with my mind.

Aizoodin: The one who is my financial advisor, relationship-hangover advisor and job-hunting advisor. The one who i won’t be meeting up so often although whenever we do meet, we open up the chapters of our life and have the best of the best conversations on the planet.

The famous saying that goes- "University friends are your friends for life" are really the most famous saying of all time because its so true.

One of my best-est friend from uni- ZILA, announced that she’s leaving for Australia next month for a 1 and a half year Masters programme. My heart skipped a beat and it flopped to the ground. its the kind of feeling that you get when somebody died.

i love her so so much. Like a boyfriend. So much and so deeply that its hurting me so badly when i think about the fact that i won’t be seeing her for a year and a half. I am so weeping right now.

Our friendship is simple- we are the workaholics and studyholics and guy-watching-olics and kinky-lingerie lovers partners in crime. All we ever ever talk about are just four main things- how to score in our assignments, lecturers who we have fallen in love with, what we hate about our girlfriends what we like about our boyfriends. At campus, we juggled hard in our life and try to find a balance between achieveing our A’s, our part-time jobs, our fashion frenzy closet and our demanding boyfriends. We pulled through with flying colours.

We forget each other’s birthdays, we never buy birthday gifts for each other because it really doesn’t matter anyway. Because i know deep within us that we are bonded to be conversation partners for as long as we both shall live.

i’m gonna miss u my friend. I’m going to miss our conversations.

With Zila, i have a romantic girly attachment that makes me regard her like more than a girlfriend. (Shh…. theres no lesbian issues here, mind you, both of us are graduates of an Islamic Uni, so that generally makes us the Islamic Fundamentalist and Feminist Front of the new millennium)

But the way i love her and look forward to meeting her every single time we schedule to meet is over-over-whelming. a sinking feeling and a feeling of excitement. There’s so much to talk about over our teh tarik mamak or kopi hang tuah. Our dreams of wanting to excel in the academic world, our dreams of becoming professors in our chosen field, to make our parents happy, to shop in the kinkiest lingerie store, and to marry the man that makes us happy the most even though that will be a tough thing to do. Basically, the obstacles we face in just being a good girl, but not just ‘one of the girls’.

Zila u are one of the stongest woman i have ever come across in this young life of mine. Your determination and focus is somehow my motivation because it is so like mine. The way you are assures me that i am not alone in this journey called….. life….. and the way it is. And how hard KL life is going to be for me once you have moved to that land of mak saleh.

I’m going to miss our conversations.

I’ve stopped writing months ago because things in life has not been going well.

Today i decided to write again because perhaps there are few people out there has been quite quizzical about what i have been up to and why.

The most important thing that happened to me in 2005 was the fact that i am now an employee and not a student anymore.

Because of this, "change" has to take place. Investment has to be made. Savings. Spending. And of course, leaving behind campus life which is the most memorable journey of my young life. So painful.

Working life gives me the opportunity to experience the dark side of life- like i studied in Literature classes- songs of Innocence and Experience by William Blake.

I see now the scandals and the cheatings and the betrayal and the infidelity.

I see the ugly and the bad.

To date, i broke up with 2 boyfriends in 2005.

One was the love of my life and the other was the man who never quite understood the meaning of sincerity or betrayal. Maybe he will learn someday.

I found many new friends this year, but i also lost 1 last week.

I lost her in the midst of lies, betrayal and infidelity.

Why humans act so feelingless sometimes?

Why do they lie to those they love and why do they try to mend things in the most disgusting manner?

Some things in life we can never solve.

Some problems are meant to be left behind and taken down as a token of experience and a lesson to be learnt.

Some people must be taught a lesson about life’s greatest mistakes, some people stay away from life’s greatest mistakes.