" It sure was difficult for me this morning… sending you back to the airport, sigh…. Something I really, really dreaded…. Again, I remind myself, this has to happen for our lives to move on… and insya-Allah, the future looks so bright, and it would be rather disappointing if we hold the future hostage, and want to hold time still… But still, it sure was a sad moment…"
Quoting Aziz Bakar verbatim, those were his exact words i the email I received last night as I landed home.
Finally, last Saturday, I left New York City behind and also my sweetheart……
It was a moment of sadness at John F. Kennedy airport. But it has to happen though, for our lives to move on, and he was right, the future look so bright… all that we have planned looks almost pefect from the vision that we now have.
Before flying off from NYC, Aziz and i went out for coffee the evening before, just walking around 5th Avenue and taking a good look at the people on the streets just mixing emotions with reality. The truth is, we would really miss each other. The other truth is, we also really want to advance in our careers….. him with his new banking job, and me, with my new marketing endeavour and little makeover shop.
We sat down for coffee and forecasted our lives one year from now, what may come, and most importantly, what must be done within this one year.
We will lead very different lives from this moment on, in two different cities…. But with the assurance that things will be better as time passes by, and so much to accomplish in perhaps the next twelve months…….. the visions of a better lifestyle, a greater career… things will fall into place.
I guess this is what relationships can do to you. It can either turn you into a complete monster or a better person. I hope to become the latter.
And you can never be truly happy, whether to be in KL, New York, or Mars or Venus… but you can take each day as it comes though, and solve each problem one day at a time, and maybe perhaps, there lies great happiness in just beng patient and a little more hardworking.
And at JFK yesterday, I was in between two great worlds- the love of my life, or a grand career waiting for me. And i chose the latter, because duty comes before love. And I believe, that love if its really true, would wait for me. But duty, comes first.
Whoever said goodbyes were an easy thing to do? Not when you are about to cross the Atlantic Ocean and go through a 24 hour flight. Not when you could’ve choose to become emotional and really elope and live for the moment and seize the day. Because him and i, we chose to endure this and stay sane instead, to not live for the moment, but live for the good times to come.
I think we will be mourning for the next few weeks, and we will be lonely too. So lets just hope, we will grasp our memories tight in our hands, and our visions clear in our minds. Because with that thought in mind, i was able through walk past the gate at JFK.
For the first time, I was leaving him behind instead of the usual vice versa. And this time, I wasn’t the one who was crying.
Abdul Aziz (pic), 29, is one of three young Malaysians selected to receive study grants from Maxis Communications Berhad. Each scholarship is worth RM400,000 to cover all fees, tuition, book, health and medical insurance as well as living costs. The former Maktab Rendah Sains Mara Taiping student, who is taking his examinations in Harvard, was represented by his brother at the function.
