The Feline Territory

After the longest time, i finally had the time to sit down and watch a dvd. This time, i picked my all time favourite actress, Jennifer Aniston- in the all time thrashy movie, "The Break-Up".

Well, even if it was a thrashy movie, i do believe in all of life’s situations, you should always map out the good from all of the bad.

In this movie, the good thing is Jen Aniston played the starring role. Another good thing is i totally snapped out of my 25 years of hallucination and it kicked me hard in the head when the dialogue read- "A thousand things i would’ve done differently"…. Which was what Jen Aniston said to Vince Vaughn in the movie when she was leaving him for good.

That line made me think about what i would’ve done differently. If i had the chance. But we are not in a movie here, nor do we even can execute a time machine, so… nope…. it wouldn’t happen.

But if only i could wish, the things i would’ve have done differently are namely:

I would’ve gone to a boarding school when i turned 13. I dont mean the yuppies private school where all the spoilt brats end up taking shabu and kill their ancestors. I mean, the MRSM type. Or the Tun Fatimah.

After school, i would’ve gone to if not an Ivy League, but probably to the best Mass Communication school, or Journalism school, like Columbia or NYU, or Oxford. And earn myself a Rhodes scholarship or Fulbright.

Then i’d wouldve gone to work as the speechwiter of some Condie Rice, or become the speechwriter for the likes of Hillary Clinton, at the UN, and then open a journalism school of my own here in KL. Become a columnist for the NST and chat about dreams and ambitions, and life, and what it really offers.

In the meantime, i’d open a spa in Langkawi and earn a reputable name in Malaysian recipe to a good natural facial- avocado and milk. Translated, Khasiat susu dan lidah buaya.

But then again, what does life really offer us here? A second chance into our youth? Or to be forever young?

Nope, i don’t think so.

But what it offers me today, is to be able to reflect on the past 25 years and what has become of it. It won’t let me change the things that i’ve done, not once, not even a thousand times- but it does offer me the baton to run as far as i could- to change my destiny, and my destination, and to make that 1000 things into a different reality. And that thought itself, has created an adrenaline rush in me.

I’m ashamed to admit that i have no patient to wait for life to hit its toll on my bandwagon- when i was 16, i couldn’t wait to get out of school to start uni. When i hit 2nd year in uni, i couldn’t wait to graduate to start the working world. Now, i cna’t wait to leave the corporate world after grabbing all of its gists, and run my own company.

So, if there’s one thing out of the thousand things i’d rather do differently…. one thing i wouldn’t change is my impatience. Because that got me going and that strength got me where i am today.

Today, i am not even close to what we common people define as success, but at least, i’ve come to an extent of being comfortable with what i’ve achieved in this quarter life of mine. I’m happy, but i’m still hungry for more.

And because of this realization, i’ve decided that ‘The Break-Up’ wasn’t so pathetic after all.

Big meeting room. Glass doors and platinum steel all around us. There were 10 of us seated on the bulky leather chairs. I represent the minority gender on a scale of female to male- 20:80.

What else do you expect from an automotive company? What else do you expect from an engineering industry? What else do you expect from a manufacturing based platform?

Of course i didn’t expect things to be so… whats that glamorous word people use… patriarchal? Well, i didn’t expect this, especially not when all i was looking forward to here on the day i reported for duty in November 2004 was the excitement of driving a GTI on the Test Track.

Well, i got that and the rest of the package.

The rest of the world except for me knew that an engineering company equals to a male dominated territory. Phew…. its bad enough that they all love ciggies as much as they love boobies, but men in their 40’s, i’ve noticed, have a tendency to be "romantically" swayed by either their lady colleagues or most importantly, their late twenties pretty looking female subordinates.

Now, the bad thing about working with men is that they can somehow get really egoistic and that sucks. That, and they really really love to smoke! Again, i have to totally get used to being a full time 2nd hand smoker!!! The good thing is in such a male dominated arena, they will always appreciate a girl’s opinion Furthermore, at the end of the day, through all the heated discussions and debates, i will always really really be…. a young girl … (always the youngest in meetings and the youngest in the whole division!!), thus, just gotta bat an eyelash and i will have men pulling out a chair for me

But hey…. although i can really do that, i’d rather be a feminist bitch than a pathetic wimp. So, tomorrow i’ll be choosing my new Dockers and join in the new ballgame- with wrinkle-free pants and all!!

The rest of the world except for me knew very well that if i wanna survive in such a position, in such a company, i’d have to WORK LIKE A DOG, ACT LIKE A MAN AND TALK LIKE A LADY. This is no more HR Admin work, dude. There’s ni way i can still wear skirts and stilettos to work anymore.

Right now, its an entirely new ballgame. Its a Dockers world out there, and i’m just about to throw away my Aldos and Nine Wests and slip into my Timberlands….

Work. Things at work. Work to do at work.

Having to do Marketing for a non-marketing graduate is pretty tough. Its tough when you have to keep up with a Manager who had years of consultancy experience in the States and got no family but a dog to feed. So, to combine the two, she can be a real workaholic and inhuman at the same time

But i don’t think i’d rather anyone else to guide me for Marketing 101. She gave me a crash course in Product Development when we were in Indon, and that itself gave me all the knowledge of what Honda and Toyota is all about. Honda is for the futuristic. Toyota is for the plain and boring.

For once, in a very very long time, i can declare to be truly happy at work. Finally, i feel like i am maximixing my potential and look forward to driving to work every morning. ANd able to stay focus, offer to do the extra mile, and worry about my job performance and care for my customers.

And i think i owe this to my Manager, for the crash course, the daily spanking and the office gossip that adds flavour to our everyday stressed routine. For the first time, i got myself a boss who’s also a teacher and a dictator. If you marry the two, it might make a good sample of Mahathir.

I think i needed the guidance, to be where i am now, to take a career shift, a real manouvere, with no marketing or engineering background at all, i’m expected to marry the two and do a marketing strategy.

Lets just hope, as long as i still have the book "Good to Great" sitting here on my office desk, i will still implement its discipline.

Last Saturday, i met Malaysia’s gorgeous nasyid singer, Waheeda.

We sat down for coffee with my good gal Raihan and strategized a business endeavour-partnership. It was a conversation that lasted for hours, all with three important keywords: makeup, songwriting and boyfriends.

For once in my life, i truly understood how passionate one can be with music. How music can help to heal, soothe and delight. I’ve always thougt that words were the craziest-most powerful force of nature, but perhaps, tunes and rhythm has its power too.

In such a conversation also, i realize the beauty of life can truly be reflected through ultimate passion. Yup, passion, love and motivation. These are the lyrics of life. This is what truly defines happiness and sanity.

And for once, i felt happy, and contented to be where i am. Here i am, still writing the lyrics of life, still passing through the long journey and enjoying every minute of it, every pain, every gain and just… lucky enough to be able to be caught in ‘that’ moment.

I’d have to say that I am a real cheapskate.

As much as I’d love to have everything Gucci and Prada, I simply cannot afford such a Victoria Beckham lifestyle and will never act like i could. Precisely because i don’t have a David Beckham to walk hand in hand with and neither do i have his wallet.

I buy my jeans at Petaling Street except for a nice Levis i got myself from last year’s bonus. But, I’d have to say the Petaling Street one fits better.

From time to time, I love stating this realization in myself, because I’m trying real hard not to be high maintainence, so that i shall always live a life that I can afford and not live beyond my means. Either that, or because i’m just really forced to.

Sometimes its hard to do so because you are always haunted by that DKNY bag or that Nine West slinky. But in the midst of it all, when i thought about the life i imagine to have next year in the new home i might move into, it really feels like its worth it. And when i also thought about the car i gotta maintain and the zero balance credit cards i’m keeping up with, it really is worth it.

Plus, who needs an original Levis when the PS boutique ones fits better?

Another cheapskate attitude of mine is buying the cheapest toiletries in the store. RM7 Rejoice shampoo that can last me 2 months. RM8 Lux shower gel that can last me 2 months. 3 Oral B toothbrushes that comes in a value-pack package that can last me half a year. Clean& Clear face cleanser that only teens with blemishes use… not corporate execs like me…. And to top it all… sometimes i would run out of face cleanser that i end up using the lux soap on my face for a week.

Wow… one Sunday spent at home and i have gotten a real revelation!!

Until you have seen Jakarta, you will always whine about the traffic in KL.

In the midst of the terrible earthquake and tsunami, my GM sent me and my Manager to Indonesia to attend a Motorshow.

My Manager said that he sent us to Indon to die. I just wanted to get the whole trip over with without having to witness any aftershocks, thanks to the earthquake.

My Manager typed out her will before we left, I think she must’ve left all her properties to her 3 year old dog, having being husband-less and child-less and having left with a mum who’s days are numbered- so she claims to me.

I decided not to write my will, because i don’t have any money and I know my mum will naturally grab my car if one day i am gone. In fact, she bumped the car into a curb when i was running for my life in Jakarta.

The best thing about the trip was the inspiration that i got from the curtains they hang at Hilton Jakarta’s Peacock restaurant. We just arrived there and after a hot shower, went for dinner and my Manager was puffing her ciggies away (at my Chanel-painted face) and i sat there, admiring the curtains. Organza curtains would be perfect for a house i’m planning to buy. She smokes like a man, talks like a man, dresses like a man, but would still let another man help her with her bag into the cabin on the plane.

Sometimes we try so hard to become feminists, dont’ we?

Anyway, I might not have the best Indon experience, but i did went home with a feeling of sympathy… and empathy. Indonesia was exactly like how i expected it to be- half of the nation is poverty stricken and the other half indulges in Gucci bags and Salvatore shoes. This is f***ing-ly pathetic. And they can walk past the man on the street with their AUdi Q7 while the poverty dwells still in poverty.

Its sad, but i guess this is life, huh?

The same thing happens here in KL, while i sit here sipping Starbucks and the only thing on my mind right now is whether or not should i get another Java Chip? I am doing this while those in Terengganu and Kelantan sips their tea behind a Nelayan village and their sons’ occupation is smoking pot. Because they got sanctioned to how much facilities they receive, their sons couldn’t get a better occupation.

So maybe, until you have seen Jakarta, you would still whine about the jams you have to go through in KL.

I wonder if Bali is all the same… I do realy want to go there for my honeymoon…

I have climbed a step higher in this long-distance relationship of mine.

Since i get paranoid about this thing called matrimonial, i believe that i need to readjust my mindset and reassess my beliefs and convictions. In relationships and whats to become of it.

I’m starting to feel like the real Sarah Jessica Parker, typing away on my laptop and write about the relationship that defines hell or heaven for most of us. SJP had a ciggie in her hand, i have a Twiggie in mind, strawberry flavoured. SJP had a string of girlfriends as her referrals, i have Radin, Nad, Yom, Era and Mass. They don’t do threesome or anything like that, but they become my personal advisors and do get all hyped up when one of us meets a new man.

So, Aziz Bakar and i have officially decided to combine savings and buy a house. Yup, a house with a door, a garden, bathrooms, a bathtub too i hope, and naturally, a kitchen which i will never cook in. Of course, his savings would cover 90% of the fund, naturally. Squeaky me who spends more money on lipgloss and mascara just cannot save enough cash… But for the sake of a house, i’ve decided to have a lifestyle turnaround and save.

For starters, after my big splurge in Manhattan last month, i have not been to any shopping mall except to buy some grocery for my mum yesterday.

House hunting has been rather exciting, i’ve begin to understand the true meaning of a semi-d, a linked house, a terrace, and the difference between a corner house and a lot house. And i have also begin practising sounding like a real big adult smart enough to buy a house when i call up all the house agents. They can be snakes, so i always pose a full-frontal- i -knwow-what-i’m talking- about-attitude. Haha. If there was anything more efficient in turning someone into an automatic adult, it had to be "house-hunting".

Aziz Bakar wants a house near my parents’, or perhaps somewhere in the neighborhood. I thought that was a good idea, except that if i so happen to throw an all-girls bikini party and call the guy-stripper, then my parents would know too, right? Aziz Bakar would of course have a job that by nature requires extensive travelling to Honolulu or Timbaktu, which leaves me and the girls to throw an all-nighter all year long. Which means, to live near my parents makes the transition from singlehood to matrimony a whole lot harder. But then again, if i were to live nearby them, it would make it a lot easier for me to run over to my parents house whenever i feel like throwing a tsunami tantrum to beloved husband to-be. This is what i call the modern definition of Escapism.

So today, I’ve set a date once again with the house agent, surveying semi-D’s in TTDI and Damansara. I hope to find a cute little corner lot that has a large backyard for my cats to roam around. The funny thing about cats nowadays is that they prefer to stay indoors, so i might just get a backyard-cum-cathouse for them, just in case.

Aziz Bakar reminded me that he would like his own bathroom, just a dinky toliet and shower to fit himslef and to hang his towel. Just like the ones in Harvard. Or so it seems, the ones i’ve seen in Pudu jail. My bathroom would be packed with NARS makeup and BECCA eyeshadow (hooray!!!), with a rubber duck sitting all perky by the bathtub. In short, Aziz Bakar prefers the simple and practical methodology while i love to create a lot of drama, with bubbles and all, every single time.

Cheers to house hunting today!!

Shakespeare said it in a few simple words: To be, or not to be?

And i ask the very question to myself these days as my friends and i stepped into the age of mid-20’s, so-called the ‘marriageble age’…. to wed, or not to wed?

Some people have it easy, or so it seems… meet the right guy and date him for many years… and marry… and buy a terrace in somewhere between urban and suburban.

Some…. search the extra mile and wait for the perfect package with also a bigger wallet.

Some, like me, found what seems to be, true love, or a stable relationship… so it seems…. but also found myself to be surrounded by real-life stories of very very unhappy endings.

Not everybody will become happy after they marry. Nowadays, too many are unhappy. My colleagues mostly advised me to only marry after i have embraced life to the fullest, travelled a few countries, have a car of my own, have a house and most importantly, my own savings. Its like as if, marriage becomes an automatic prison and you’ll never get your youth or freedom back.

Not true, i think. There are a lot f happily-wed girls out there, i think.

Aziz Bakar has asked me to marry him and move to New York.

Of course, i didn’t even have to answer because he knows very well that althougth i might not mind losing my singlehood to marriage, i would never want to lose my life here in KL and move to a place where the doorman is probably the only friend i have.

Its easy to marry, but its not easy to totally move to an entirely different country. Perhaps this lies my weakness, no wanting to embrace change. And this is obviously his strength, being very bold in always embracing change and able to focus amidst the pain of readjustment.

I fear that a marriage would lock me into a world where i get a husband as a dictator, and i would lose all chance to become my own person. Although i see a lot of goodness in couplehood and matrimonial, i know very well that to marry means to stay together through thick and thin, and especially, bad behaviour. It also means to accept and to endure and to strive through any bad behaviour. I’m not sure whether i’m all hyped up for that yet. Really, not yet.

But the man who i’ve decided to marry- later, is the nicest man i’ve ever met. He would buy me a 5000 ringgit laptop but would never spend more than a 100 ringgit for a pair of shoes he needs for winter. The man that i have decided on would always call the next morning to say sorry after a big tsunami fight with me and fixed the relationship rightaway even after i almost killed it in a heartbeat.

But then agan, he’s still a man. A different person. An entirely different entity.

And i need to find me, to establish myself, just maybe for one whole year, before i embrace a life change.

Because change, is very difficult for me. And yes, change, is my fear, my weakness and everything that i am not.

Perhaps i have not yet decided on an answer for Shakespeare.

As I moved into a new Division at work, I also received a new General Manager.

Previously, I was in Human Resources, and had a lady manager who looks like she just literally walked out of the Le Prestige edition of 2005, minus the boob job of course. Blonde long hair with all those curls from the saloon around the corner. Only the best Ann Taylor jackets. The most "cikai" would be an RM 500 ZARA jacket. The handbags are always Pradas and Guccis and the real LVs. She never wore any Burberry, perhaps because we could find better ones at P.S. or because the stripes and boxes never agree with her.

Her jewels are only from the best diamonds in the country- The Carat Club, nothing else, nothing ever less! Shoes are always Nine West, nothing from the East, nothin Malaysian made. The makeup is always MAC or Bobbi Brown, those Indon made Mustika Ratu wrapped in dinky cute bottles just dont sell to her.

So, imagine THAT. Vogue hair, perfect makeup, nails are always french-ly tipped and french-ly manicured, topped with a "colourless" RM30k diamond. Oh ya, and to add, she married a millionaire. By choice. It was NOT arranged. It was a relationship that developed from mutual flirtation and hence turned into a good marriage. And they are still together. So, imagine ALL that.

And now, IMAGINE my new boss.

Male. Hailed from Perodua, so called to be the surviving Malaysian car company. So called came to spread some wisdom to our dying Malaysian established "car company that industrialized our nation but now has shamed us all- P-R-O-T-O-N".

40-ish. From Terengganu. Fine, OK, i dont mind that, as long as you dont get all asabiyah like my old uni mates.

Always wears a Mont Blanc pen tucked into his shirt pocket. OK, he’s got good taste in pen-manship. No beer belly. OK, one of those good non-drinkers obviously. Goes to sembahyang Jumaat. Alhamdulillah, may blessings always be with him.

I love his shoes particularly, one of those relaxed leather loafers thats always not over-polished, just cool enough for a veteran dude. Socks always matches the shoes. OK, extra points for that.

He wears a simple watch. Good looking, but i couldnt really tell the brand. Definitely not a Rolex, coz’ I can tell one immediately. Anyways, will check that out tomorrow.

Sleek, simple khakis. On some of his best days, he puts on a Dockers. On most days, its one of those unknown brands- i couldnt be bothered to gaze, his secreatary would think i’m up to something really weird… or scandalous.

Well, unfortunately, there is NO need to get scandalous about this dude, because of all the nice things you will notice about him, there’s one thing you need to be really more concern about.

HIS TEETH.

He has one of those typical "smokers teeth". Its like kinda on top of each other (braces needed, urgently!), on top of that, dark-brownish-greyish tar, thanks to his best friend Marlboro Lights that he inhales every single hour.

That totally ruins it all.

Every time he talks to me, I could not help noticing his teeth.

When he talks to me at my desk. In his office. In the meeting room. In the car. On the way to other meetings. In the showroom. In the factory. In the cafe.

Oh Lord!! The teeth!!

I thought i was the only one disturbed by this, but somehow, my colleagues and i were cross-examining other bosses to our boss, and what do you know…. they agreed that he totally needed help. One of us felt that one of us girls should really sway our sweet little way into his personal life, then drop the bombshell. We strategized it to be like this: Get the boss interested in you. You should either be from Kelantan or Terengganu, because he seemed to favour people of his language ethnocentric wow-we speak the same slanga’. Take him out for dinner on Monday nights, because every Tuesday morning is the big meeting with the MD, so he’ll be all stressed up to prepare a Division report. Then, take him for dinner on Monday nights and Friday nights. Then do weekends. Then, drop the bomb: "Boss, i like you, but you surely need to do something about your teeth!!!" Its either that, or there will never be a chance for french-kissing. The thought of that would be so utterly disgusting.

My colleagues and i wonder why the hell wouldn’t a General Manager spend a tweeny-weeny bit of money to do his teeth?

I mean, like a typical 40-year old Malay man, he is very much interested in young girls.. (I can tell by his typical Malay "aku nak kawin satu lagi" jokes..), and these girls would probably be interested in the size of his wallet, but the teeth….!!!

So, tomorrow would be another working day for me… Happy in the new jobscope, but perhaps not so much with the view of…. the teeth.

Silly me. I should be thankful that he can be charming at times. He bought all the girls kain sari when he went to the subcontinent once.

What was i expecting actually? I guess i was expecting a Bill Gates or a Warren Buffet for a new boss. Or perhaps a Datuk Nazir CIMB. Or at least, a Pierce Brosnan lookin’ boss.

And probably, i was expecting a lot more from an ex-Perodua who literally joined us to save the day.

Again, my Great Expectations has burnt into ashes….

Either that, or i’m feelin’ too dramatic about the teeth situation.

Every year today, America celebrates its Independence and Aziz Bakar celebrates his birthday. One thing they have in common is that the US is full of drive and energY, and so is he. I think thats about the only thIng that they really share.

To honour America, I have inserted its flag taken at the New York Stock Exchange.

To honour Aziz Bakar, I shall note down 12 important things I know about him:

1. Lost his mum when he was 7.

2. Favourite food = anything from McDonald’s.

3. Favourite drink= Teh Tarek.

4. Avid soccer player; injured knee twice and went through surgery.

5. A roller coaster addict; believes riding one is a way of releasing stress.

6. A good cook.

7. Only shops when there’s a sale or big discount.

8. A cartoon freak- still watches Spongebob attentively.

9. A Malay comic freak (has the whole collection of Alam Perwira)

10. Is a Harvard grad but really isn’t as intelligent as me.

11. Favourite sentence: "Yeah…. but nothing can beat KL. KL is the best…." (comparing pathetic life in the US to good old Kuala Lumpur)

12. Is in a love-and-hate relationship with me.

HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY!!