InsyaAllah, today is the last fasting day for this year’s Ramadhan.
Honestly, i have not gotten enough of it. Particularly because i had to work so diligently at the office even though fasting month has started. In addition, i missed last nite’s Terawih due to a whopping bad migraine- which made me head for the covers at 8pm 
For this year’s last fasting day, perhaps i’d like to reflect a little on what it feels like to really celebrate Ramadhan.
Firstly of course, you gotta be inspired to be a Muslim. Not just any Muslim, but an inspired one. I don’t think i really am one yet, sadly, in our everyday work and etc., we forget our initial duties and we ignore our spiritual growth. Thats normal- i sometimes think, but lets not make that normal, normal.
As Syawal appears, i would regard it as a brand new year for me. So because Ramadhan is ending today, i would reminisce the best inspirational moment i’ve had so far.
It must have been New York, New York.
I saw a man praying by the streets of Times Square beside his gerai Strawberry, he mustve been one of those street vendors selling fruits by the roadside. He was performing his prayers out in the open, an obvious scene from our naked eye. Everyone else was passing by in their business suits and Prada heels.The whole place is like a Financial District and Fashion Avenue. It looked like there is no room for Faith or Religion, especially not Islam; the place is constantly buzzing with city people hungry for money and success. But thats not true. What lies beneath is holier than that.
That Strawberry vendor man inspired me. He was not hesitant to rise above all of life’s hunger and feed his soul. It was a scene to remember. It was something that made me ponder. More than these business suits people. That was unbelivably one of the greatest feelings on earth.
My another inspiration was praying in a Chapel at Harvard Business School. I met a Canadian girl in a lavender colored hijab. Her clothes were more loose than mine, her whole personality and appearance was a lot more proper. She came to salam me and gave me one of those angelic sister-ly kisses. She was the only Muslim-lookin’ girl i met in Harvard. I’m sure theres more, but the fact that i met her, and she was just like any other UIA-an, enlightened me that the world is really really is small. She was an undergrad in Psychology at Harvard, she’s probably a mixture of Caucasian-Indian-Afghani or Turkish descendant. She just looked like a fairer version of Maya Karin to me.
Harvard is a place for the outspoken and also the best party-goers. You would not have thought for a moment that it would be a place for people like us. But she didn’t look lost. She looked confident and at place, underneath the garments lay the air of confidence, the thirst for knowledge, and from there, perhaps, lies the wisdom wihin. A deep faith and a high intelligence: she wonderfully married the two. She was not awkward at all of the surroundings around her, she made me feel comfortable in an instant, like an automatic sister. She made the place complacent to her, not otherwise. And thats what beautiful about it.
There are certain people in life who would raise above others. They come into your life in a minute, but leaves an everlasting impression. Today, i remembered these two souls, and i pray that Ramadhan will be good for them better than it has been for me. And i pray that Jannah will be their destiny, even if they would do no more good in this world, what they did for me, was enough to spark me into becoming like one of those people who inspire others.
If there was a life-model i choose to follow, it would be these.
Sometimes, we need a little bit of brevity to be good. Sometimes we always blame it on our parents and those who were supposed to lead us and guide us. Most of all, we always blame it on the environment and peer pressure. Gosh, why do we always let others shape the way we think, the air we breathe? We are more than 25 years old and we still blame it on our elders and those responsible to shape us and guide us. 25 is a particularly big number, isnt it? If you’re more than 25, then you’re supposed to have a bigger advantage.
If you have travelled more and read more, you are of a better advantage. You have seen a lot, but you have observed none, and you have thought nil.
If we are 25 years old, and we still blame it on these reasons, than that means we haven’t aged intellectually, spiritually, or even gracefully. We have just aged. Aged physically, and thats it.
As Syawal enters, i feel that i really have not done enough in Ramadhan. We always blame it on time, that it was too short or too fast. The month was not too short, but it was me who mis-managed it. Perhaps i was prioritizing the wrong things. Just like those people in business suits, i also was chasing my hunger in life, my greed for success. My thirst for enjoyment.
This year, i will be spending Syawal in the city again. KL has always been the place for us with no kampungs. I guess the place does not matter, its the company that matters. Oh ya, and how you have spent Ramadhan. I spent half of yesterday helping out in the kitchen chopping onions and the likes, preparing for a big fest for the guests tomorrow. Twinnie and i are getting tired of the usual routine. Perhaps i will just embrace this maybe one last time.
I told my mother i won’t be here for Raya next year. Either i will choose to be on a business trip, i will be eloping somewhere else or i will be married. I will do that in the spirit of giving her the space and time she needs to focus on Ramadhan rather than meals for Syawal or iftar.
As for today, i guess in my humble opinion, i do not deserve a feast in Syawal because i really have not done much during the fasting month…… So, goodbye Ramadhan. I have treated you badly just like any other Ramadhans that have passed me by. At least today, i realized it. If that is the starting point of a new beginning, then let it be. If that works for the better, then i will embrace it wholeheartedly.
Oh Gosh….
